


The One with the Blind Dates

by beef_wonder3



Category: Smallville
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-04-23
Updated: 2014-08-07
Packaged: 2018-02-12 04:54:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2096487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beef_wonder3/pseuds/beef_wonder3
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lois & Clark have broken up. Now they want Chloe and Kara to set them up with other people.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For: svgurl  
> Prompt: Blind Date

  


Kara plopped down on a barstool with a huff. Chloe followed suit, nabbing the stool next to her. The Ace of Clubs thrived with the after-work drinks crowd. After two terse orders for the bartender, the two blondes looked at each other glumly.

 

“This is ridiculous. No, correction, they’re ridiculous.” Kara complained, “It’s just not… you know, right!”

“I know,” Chloe agreed, “Everything’s felt a little off balance since Lois & Clark broke up. And neither one of them will talk about it.”

 

As the bartender returned with their drinks, Chloe sighed out,

“And it’s gonna get worse.”

 

“Worse? How?” Kara asked.

 

Chloe explained,

“Lois asked me if I knew anyone I could set her up with. I said I’d see. I mean what was I supposed to say?”

 

“I know. Clark said that she asked you that.”

 

Chloe bit her lip,

“Do you think I shouldn’t have told him?

 

“No.” Kara replied “I think it’s better than it being a surprise but I know what you mean.” Sipping her drink, Kara continued, “At first I thought he was just go on and on and then mope for a good long while. You know the way he does.”

Chloe nodded along with an eye-roll.

“But then,” Kara went on, “He really threw me for a loop and asked if _I_ knew anyone I could set him up with! I think he’s only doing it because Lois is dating again so soon and it hurts but he refuses to say something.”

 

Chloe sighed and said,

“They’re both as stubborn as each other. If only they could see how good they were together. It took them forever to get there, but they were working out so well. And now they wanna start dating? Don’t they remember how difficult getting out there and dating is? I mean, really?”

 

Kara suddenly lit up,

“I know! Why don’t we set them up on those dates?”

 

“Yeah, that’ll get them back together for sure.” Chloe said sarcastically.

 

“No, listen,” Kara said, getting excited, “We set them up, but with people that they’ll have nothing in common with. The date’s will be so bad and they’ll remember exactly why dating is so hard and go running back to each other.” Kara finished triumphantly with a proud look.

 

Chloe pondered this for a moment.

“You know,” She said slowly, “That actually is a good idea. Once they do remember how awful the dating game is, they’ll see that they belong together.”

 

“Great idea, huh?” Kara grinned smugly into her drink.

 

“Okay,” Chloe started to plot, “here’s the plan. You go and find the most incompatible person for Clark and set up the date. I’ll do the same for Lois.”

 

“Sounds good to me.” Said Kara “When do we meet to compare?”

 

Chloe checked her diary.

“I’m free tomorrow at 4. Let’s meet up at that café on the West side, you know the one?”

 

“Yeah, I know it, but why so far away?” Kara asked.

 

“So Clark doesn’t hear us plotting.” Chloe said in conspiring whisper.

 

“Oooh,” Kara breathed out in understanding, “Okay, we better get cracking. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Both women left the bar each thinking of the worst match for her cousin.

 

*

 

Not too far away, the Daily Planet bullpen was just as noisy as the Ace of Clubs. The click-clack of keyboards, reporters yelling into their phones and at each other, Perry White, Editor in Chief, bellowing about deadlines and headlines. Again.

 

Out of all that noise, none of it compared to the deafening awkwardness in Lois and Clark’s cubical. Desks pushed face-to-face as always, Lois and Clark tried to work. This was about as easy as ignoring a particularly large and colorful elephant standing in the corner of the room.

 

“I need coffee.” Lois blurted, before grabbing her half-full and still warm coffee cup and all but racing to the kitchenette in the far corner of the bullpen. Clark abandoned his computer too and followed her.

 

Cornering Lois next to the coffee-maker, he spoke in a gently voice, as one would to a spooked animal,

“Hey, I thought we agreed that we weren’t gonna be weird with each other.”

 

“I’m not being weird, who’s being weird?” Lois replied, eyeing a way to edge around Clark’s bulky form.

 

“Lois.” Clark said, laced with meaning.

 

Lois huffed and set her cup on the counter,

“Okay, okay I’m being weird.”

 

“Good.” Clark said almost teasingly, “The first step is admitting to the problem.”

The tension broke and Lois relaxed, a self-deprecating twist to her lips as she looked up at Clark,

 

“Sorry,” she apologized, “I know I’m not making this easy. That’s not fair to you since it was my decision to… you know.”

 

“Hey,” Clark said, still speaking gently, “I may not like it but I understand if you have reasons for us not being together. I also wouldn’t mind if you’d like to share those reasons.” Looking at Lois, trying not to be too pushy or expectant.

 

Lois sighed,

“Smallville, it’s just… I…I can’t. I’m sorry.” Lois looked away.

 

“Hey, hey, hey” Clark repeated, softly laying gentle hands comfortingly on Lois’ upper arms. “I told you, you can take all the time you need.”

 

“I asked Chloe to set me up on a date with someone else.” said Lois, mouth once again running without brain input. Lois bit her lip as those warm hands fell away. Clark schooled his expression, trying not to grimace too much.

 

“Yeah, I heard. That’s ok, we…um… we’re not seeing each other anymore.” Clark studiously avoided eye-contact as he continued. “I asked Kara to do the same for me.”

 

Lois pulled herself together, pushed the welling jealousy down and said with her normal fortitude,

“Good. That’s good for both of us. It’s for the best. Just ‘cause we’re not together doesn’t mean we should sit around all depressed like. C’mon Smallville, we got work to do or Perry’ll have our head.”

 

With that final bluster, Lois stepped around Clark and marched back to her desk, leaving Clark watching after her.

“Yeah,” he said with a sad smile, “Great.”

 

*

 

Late the next day, Chloe and Kara met up to compare the awful dates they’d set up for their love-stupid cousins..

Chloe ordered 2 coffees from a waitress, knowing Kara wouldn't be too long.

As the waitress walked away, Kara hustled up to the table,

 

“Sorry I’m late. Blackgate, Explosion, you know the deal.” She explained.

 

“That’s okay,” Chloe replied, “I ordered for you.”

 

“Sweet. So, how’d the man-hunt go? Got Lois all set up?” Kara asked with a grin.

 

“Great. I set up the ‘perfect’ date for Lois.” Chloe replied, illustrating the air-quotes with her fingers. “How about you?”

 

“Clark’s all set up and he knows he’s meeting his date at that cute Italian restaurant near his place.”

 

Chloe giggled,

“It might be worth spying on that date just to watch Clark try not to spill marinara sauce on his shirt.” Both women giggled at the thought.

“Okay,” said Kara, “Tell me about Lois’ guy.”

 

Chloe started describing excitedly,

“His names Jeff something-or-other, I met him once before. He’s a client’s, friends ex or something like that. Anyway, he’s some sort of corprate guy who thinks he’s bigger news than he actually is and quite possibly _the most_ obnoxious, arrogant and chauvinistic man I have ever talked to. I made a reservation for them at that really pretentious French restaurant on Memorial Street. The only way this date could end remotely well is if Lois doesn’t throw her drink on him.” Chloe finished with a grin, pleased at finding the worst possible date for Lois and Kara laughed. “So, what’s Clark’s date like?”

 

Kara launched into her own description,

“I met this girl a couple of time. Her name’s Julia, really nice girl, she’s a humanitarian and she works at the Human Rights Office. She loves romantic comedies and she’s really into sci-fi books. She also does volunteer work with some different charities, you know, Youth hostel, help-the-homeless, things like that.”

 

Chloe gaped at the blonde Kryptonian.

“Are you insane?!” Chloe gasped out

“What?” Kara asked defensively.

“That’s not a bad date! She’s perfect for Clark. Hell, she’s She-Clark!”

 

Kara frowned,

“No, just listen. ‘She-Clark’ as you put it, is a good thing. She’s more like an Anti-Lois. Not that I’m saying Lois doesn’t care about things, because I know she does but I figured; Clark is rebounding off Lois so he’d be looking for another Lois.”

 

Chloe, still with a skeptical look said warily,

“Okay, fine. That… sort of makes sense I guess. Tell me more about ‘anti-Lois’.”

 

Mollified, Kara continued,

“So, anyway, she’s really nice, like I said, and she loves animals and outdoor activities. I think she goes rock-climbing and horse-riding on the weekends. And she’s from a small town in one of the Northern Mid-west states, I think? I can never remember which one though.”

As Kara finished talking and Chloe buried her face in her hands.

 

“Kara,” she groaned “You didn’t set Clark up with Anti-Lois. You set him up with Lana v.2!”

Kara’s eyes widened as Chloe pointed out her mistake.

“Oh Rao! You’re right. How did I not see that? We have to find someone else!”

 

“No wait,” An idea occurring to Chloe, “What’s one of the worst things about dating that’ll stamp out any delusions Clark has about it?”

 

Kara thought for a moment before it dawned on her,

“Being stood up?”

 

“That’s right.” Chloe said, “What if we tell Lana-substitute that the date’s off but not tell Clark.”

 

“And let Clark think he got stood up?” Kara frowned again, “Don’t you think that’s a little mean?”

“Maybe,” Chloe said, “But it might help. Clark gets stood up, remembers dating sucks and let’s say one of us lets it slip to Lois that he got stood up, she feels bad for making him date and voila! Reunion.”

 

“Yeah,” Kara said, still a little reluctant, “Okay, I’ll call Julia and tell her the date’s off.”

“I know this isn’t nice to Clark,” Chloe said, “I don’t like doing this to him either. And I don’t like intentionally putting Lois in an awful situation but they both need to realize they’re happier when they’re together.”

 

“Okay,” Kara agreed, reaching for her cell, “You’re a little insane, you know that right.”

Chloe grinned,

“I think it’s from working with Superheroes for too long. Now _they’re_ a crazy bunch.” Chloe winked cheekily as Kara grinned back.

 

*


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date Night!

      

Lois had _way_ too many clothes.

 

She’d decided this after spending the last 40 minuets trying to find an outfit for her date.

“When did I start wearing so much red and blue?” Lois complained to Chloe, who was lounging on Lois’ bed. She was _supposed_ to be offering Lois fashion advice.

   
The thing is Lois knows exactly when she started wearing red and blue clothes more. Right after Clark had told her how hot it was when she wore _his_ colors. Lois’ inner-feminist raged against such a misogynistic claim but even that diminished under the lustful looks Clark would get as he ran his fingers along red satin or blue cashmere.

 

“Does this look too tight?” Lois asked, walking out of her generous closet in her bra and a small black skirt. Hair done, make-up applied but matching clothes eluded her.

 

“It looks good.” Chloe replied, eyeing it critically, “does it feel too tight?”

 

“A little bit.” Lois admitted, “Hopefully the button won’t pop.”

 

“Well, it looks okay. What top are you going with?”

 

“I don’t know.” Lois tossed over her shoulder as she delved back into the closet in search for one. Lois picked out one of her favorites. It was a red, satin halter-neck that always showed an ample but respectable amount of cleavage. An image flashed through Lois’ mind;

_Clark untying the halter bow, kissing the nape of her neck, hands trailing down to cup her breasts…_

Lois shook her head and shoved the red top away.

 

“You know what,” she called out to Chloe, “I don’t wear enough orange.”

Lois plucked out a rarely worn, sparkly orange top. The loose, wavy folds of the neckline scooping low.

Walking out with it in her hands, she held it up for Chloe to inspect.

 

“Whoa orange!” Chloe said in surprise. Lois rolled her eyes and replied,

“Yes it’s bright but what do you think?”

 

Chloe studied it for a moment,

“It’s nice, unusual but nice.” Chloe abruptly change the subject, “You know, I don’t know why you want to start dating again when you already had a great guy.”

 

Hanging her head, Lois sighed,

“I had to break it off Chlo. I just had too.”

 

“But why?” Chloe pressed.

 

“Because it was working! It was working really well between us.” Lois burst out exasperatedly.

 

“And that’s a bad thing?” Chloe countered, “I thought that would be a pro on the relationship list. Why throw it all away?”

 

Flopping down on the bed next to Chloe, Lois explained tiredly,

“Because I can’t lose him.” Lois sighed again, fiddling with the garish cloth in her lap. “It goes well and everything is working, then what? I’ll tell you, we settle down, we move in together, get married, have kids.” The pitch of Lois’ voice rose with each scenario.

 

“But why is all of that bad?” Chloe asked gently, backing off a little.

 

Lois, still a little distressed explained,

“If we have all that, how could I stand to lose it? We almost lost Clark permanently with that thing with Doomsday. How, if I let all that happen, how do I tell our kids that Daddy’s not coming home? You can’t tell me it won’t happen. Not with every villain and his Cujo out to take down Superman. I saw too many Army-wives dealing with that when I was growing up Chlo.” Lois turned her watering eyes to Chloe, trying not to completely choke up, she finished her point; “I don’t know if I can do that. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to be one of those women.”

 

Chloe turned to face Lois completely and embraced her cousin, petting her dark hair softly.

“Lo, you’re so much stronger than you think you are.” Pulling back enough to talk face-to-face, Chloe went on, “All I’m saying is that; so what if you had all that and, God forbid, we did lose Clark, you would still have all those things you had together. They don’t go away. I just want you to think about it. If you don’t at least try, all you’ll have is what-ifs. I know it’s cliché to say that but it’s true. Look at Jimmy and I. We didn’t work out but I tried my damndest and I know I did and I don’t regret trying. I don’t have to live wondering if we would’ve worked. I took that chance.”

 

Lois carefully wiped at her eyes, trying not to smudge her mascara.

“You’re right, I guess. But it’s kinda easier said than done.”

Chloe smiled softly,

“I know. But… at least think about what I said.”

“Okay.” Lois agreed, rising off the bed, composing herself. “In the meantime, I’ve got a date to get to. Don’t want to disappoint him.” Lois pulled on the orange shirt, stepped into her heels, double checked her make-up and finally turned back to Chloe and said,

“Okay, I’m ready.”

 

*

 

“Shouldn’t you be getting ready?” Kara asked, swooping up to hover next to Clark.

“I’m going.” Clark responded, turning his head to look at her. “I just wanted to do one more fly-by before I did.”

He looked down at the millions of twinkling lights that made up Metropolis.

 

“I told you I’d handle anything that came up.” Kara reminded him.

 

“But-” Clark began before Kara cut him off.

“ _And_ I’ll contact the League if I need help. You’ve got a date to get to.” Kara felt guilty for pushing Clark to get to a date that she knew wasn’t going to happen. As Clark nodded Kara sent a prayer to Rao that this plan worked. Her baby cousin was so much happier when he was with Lois, and heavens knows, Lois could possibly be the only human stubborn enough to handle Kara’s equally stubborn cousin.

 

“I probably should go.” Clark said as the wind whipped their capes around them in splashes of red.

“Go,” Kara urged, “I’ve got it covered.

An extra strong gust made Kara slap her hand onto her thigh to keep the bright red skirt of her costume from blowing up.

 

Clark smiled at Kara,

“Thanks for setting me up with your friend.” The guilt surged again as Kara smiled back, “And for being so great putting up with me since the break-up.”

 

“It’s no problem.” Kara replied, “I just want you to be happy.”

Clark floated closer to her and pulled her into a hug.

“Thank you.” Pulling away from the embrace, Clark continued, “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay” Kara agreed, “You can tell me all about it.”

 

Kara stayed hovering over the city for a moment as she watched Clark fly away in the direction of his apartment. She waited until he was out of sight and hopefully out of earshot and pulled out her cell.

Chloe picked up on the second ring.

 

“Hey Chloe,” Kara greeted into the phone, “I just sent Clark off for his date.” Kara listened to Chloe’s reply and responded, “Yeah, I really hope this works too.”

Kara’s sensitive hearing picked up the sounds of a fight on a street below.

“I gotta go. I’m patrolling tonight. I’ll talk to you later? Ok, bye.”

Kara slipped her cell securely back into its place in her boot and took off towards the sounds of distress.

 

*

 

“Will anyone be joining you tonight sir?” the slightly smug waiter asked Clark with only the slightest condescension. Clark just smile back politely,

“Yes, I’m expecting a date.”

 

“Very good sir, would you like anything to drink while you wait?”

 

“I’ll just have a beer, thank you.”

“Won’t be long.” Said the waiter sweeping away, leaving Clark waiting at his table for two.

 

*

 

½ an hour into dinner and Lois is all ready for it to be over. She was going to kill Chloe.

“Jeff’s a great guy.” Chloe had said. “You’ll really like him.”

Jeff was a raging asshole if you’d asked Lois.

He’d complained about the table, he’d bitched about the wine and he impatiently demanded the entrees be served immediately. Now he was extolling his own wonderful and sheer awesomeness to her.

 

“So _of course_ after that they had to make me a Partner and in my opinion…” Lois tuned out. It was _really_ hard to keep up with that ego.

 

Suddenly, like a saving grace, the waitress appeared at Lois’ elbow.

“More wine?” the pretty waitress asked. Lois immediately held up her glass,

 

“Oh God Yes.”

 

*

 

Clark looked at his watch again and took a sip from his third drink. Thank goodness it took quite a lot of effort for him to get drunk. He caught the waiter as he passed by,

 

“Excuse me,” Clark asked, adjusting his glasses, “Is there a woman at the bar who looks like she’s waiting for someone?”

 

The waiter took a moment to scan the bar area before replying,

“I’m afraid not sir; however there is a drunk Chinese man. Would you like me to bring him over?”

 

“No, that’s ok,” Clark replied, “it’s just, this was kind of a blind date.”

 

The waiter asked him,

“Do you think she came, saw you and left?”

 

Clark glared at the waiter,

“Not until now! Just get me another drink.” Clark peered over his shoulder at the bar, “and some coffee for him, on me.” Clark jabbed his thumb in the direction of the intoxicated Asian man swaying against the bar.

 

“Right away sir,” the waiter replied, still slightly smug as he swept away again.

 

*

 

Lois inhaled carefully as she laid her cutlery on her empty plate, testing the button on her now even tighter skirt. Praying that the huge steak she’d just had wouldn’t cause the offending button to pop open. For a stuffy gourmet restaurant, they made a pretty damn good steak.

 

All through the entrée and all through the main meal, Jeff hadn’t stopped talking about himself, about where he went to business school (and was top of the class _apparently_ ), his ridiculously high salary at his incredibly pretentious job. To his unnecessarily expensive house _and_ the summer house by a lake _and_ the house in the mountains for skiing.

 

Every word he spoke dripped with superiority that was grating on Lois’ frayed nerves. After a lengthy description of _just how much_ Jeff’s ex-girlfriend _loved_ his lake house and how _much_ he enjoyed taking care of _his woman_ , Lois barely resisted stabbing him with her fork after receiving the leer he gave her when he said “my woman.”

 

Lois would’ve surely walked away already if that hadn’t been a damn fine steak. However, good piece of meat or no, Lois couldn’t control the irritated twitch of her right eye. Jesus, what was Chloe thinking, setting her up with this douche-bag.

 

Did Chloe want him dead, and Lois to be the one to kill him? Unlikely but that was close to becoming a reality. And he was still. Talking.

 

“So, I said to my housekeeper, not my regular one, the one for the summer house, wait you’ll love this-“

 

“I doubt it!” Lois finally snapped. She couldn’t take one more sanctimonious word from him. Lois Lane may never be intentionally rude but she’s no saint either.

 

“Ex _cu_ se me!” Jeff said, not sure whether to be surprised or offended. Lois was about to deliver a cutting reply before the young waitress interrupted,

 

“Would you like to see the dessert menus?” she asked.

Lois jumped in; afraid Jeff would try to reply on her behalf as if she was mute, like he did with the wine. And the entrees.

 

“No thank you. I don’t think I could eat another thing. Could we please have the check instead?” The saccharine sweetness in Lois’ voice may have been forced but her words were true. Lois thought if she even looked at a dessert she’d explode.

 

“Are you sure you don’t want dessert?” Jeff asked, earlier offence seemingly forgotten, “The night is still young.”

Lois felt her skin crawl as Jeff’s eyes locked on her cleavage.

 

“No, I think we’re done.” Lois said tersely, patience obliterated. “There will be no dessert and there will definitely be no _‘dessert’_. The only decent thing I got out of this date was a good steak and for such a waste of time, I’m better off doing work than spending time listening to you prattle on and on and on about yourself. In fact, that’s exactly what I’ll do. To make sure this night hasn’t been a complete waste, I’ll finish one of the many articles I have to do, all of them infinitely more interesting than,” Lois gestured between them, “this.”

 

Ignoring Jeff’s surprised/offended face; Lois grabbed her purse and pulled out a couple of 50 dollar bills.

“Here, that should cover most of the bill, because I, unlike Christi or Mindi or Bambi or what-the-hell ever your ex’s name was, don’t need to be ‘taken care of’!”

 

With a final flourish, Lois stormed away from the table towards the door. Jeff blinked slowly, turned to the couple seated at the next table and told them with a smarmy grin,

“Yeah, she _so_ wants me.”

 

*

 

Clark sighed and tried to focus on his computer screen. After waiting fruitlessly at the restaurant, he finally gave up, paid his tab and headed for the Daily Planet.

 

Clark figured that, if the night was gonna be a bust, he might as well get some work done since Kara was still covering the city. This way they night could be somewhat productive. So here he was at his desk, trying and failing to focus on his article. Unfortunately, traffic-light discrepancies, while important, weren’t very stimulating. Even the quietness of the bullpen almost distracting.

 

‘Figures’ thought Clark to himself, ‘that I’d be the only loser in the bullpen on a Saturday night.’

Just as he’d finished that thought, the elevator dinged and Lois stepped out.

 

As she reached their desks Clark looked up in surprise. He’d thought it was just the janitor.

“Hi orange!” he blurted out before backtracking, “Sorry, I mean, Lois. Hi Lois…” Clark trailed off sheepishly.

 

Lois smiled at him, relaxing for the first time that night.

“Hey Smallville, date didn’t go so well?” she asked, ignoring the ‘orange’ slip, she was well aware how bright her top was thank you very much.

 

Clark sighed again as Lois leaned her butt against the side of Clark’s desk.

“Not really. I got stood up.”

 

Lois’ expression turned sympathetic,

“I’m sorry,” she said, “Do you think she came, saw you and left?”

 

“Why does everybody keep saying that?” Clark scowled, frustrated. Lois reached out and petted his arm comfortingly.

 

“What about you? I don’t suppose you’re here because it went well?” Clark asked her.

 

Lois grit her teeth,

“No, I wouldn’t say well at all! He was the most self-involved, obnoxious creep I’ve ever met.”

 

It was Clark’s turn to give Lois the sympathy smile.

“Oh well, it’s never been easy has it?”

 

“No, no it’s not.” Lois said softly.

 

Clark glanced at the time on his computer,

“Hey, it’s only 9:30; do you wanna go ‘round the corner and get some sushi?” Clark asked, looking up at her.

 

Lois thought for a second as she looked into the beautiful, earnest face of the man she let go. Lois’ mind flashed back to the conversation she’d had with Chloe earlier, to the massive steak she’d consumed at dinner, to even now, the button on her skirt that was threatening to do mean things. She smiled warmly at him.

 

“I could eat.”

 

Fin.

**Author's Note:**

> This came about because the very day before I received this prompt I had watched the episode of Friends with the same name.


End file.
